Oh hell.

Bandster hell, that is. Can I be there? After all this time? I've got to be honest, people... I'm not feeling this fill. My theory is that it's because I was so dehydrated from partying like a rockstar all weekend. Being that I feel fluctuations in tightness with my period, stress, humidity, etc., I figured dehydration could affect it too. I do have another appointment on November 1st, so I guess I'll just have to buckle down until then.

Today I tried very hard to recognize whether I was hungry or not. I also made some better choices than I had been. Aaaaand, some not so much better choices (cough, Starbucks, cough).
6:30am - small bottle of Isopure, granola bar
8:30am - Grande Toffee Mocha from Sbux. Okay, so that wasn't a good choice.
12:00pm - 1/2 cup potato soup, 1/2 turkey/swiss wrap
3:00pm - a few M&Ms
6:00pm - about 3oz of chicken breast, 1/4 cup apple stuffing, 1/2 cup rice/bulgur/tomato salad
7:30pm - 10 raspberries

Definitely more than a cup at lunch and dinner. Man, I was so hoping this fill was going to get me right back to my sweet spot, but it looks like I'm going to have to work for it this time. The gym is calling me!

A fill... finally.

I cannot tell you what a relief and a charge it is to finally have a fill again. I'm so ready to start losing some weight again. This last two months have not been a complete bust -- I proved to myself that I can maintain my weight within about 3 pounds fairly easily. Will it be that easy when I'm another 60lbs less? I don't know. But it does seem infinitely more do-able now.

Time to set some new goals while I'm still on this high from BOOBs and a new fill. I originally had thought I'd aim for 30lbs by the new year, but I'm going to back it off a little. There's 13.5 weeks left of this year. If I lose about 1.5lbs a week, I will just slide into Onederland by the end. I think that would be a pretty cool New Year's goal. Onederland and 75lbs down.

With that, I need to go do some laundry and take a nap. I am beyond exhausted!

BOOBS!

BOOBS was so incredible and amazing and fun. It exceeded my expectations and was bigger, better, more fun than my wildest dreams! What an absolute wonderful group of women -- I am so honored to have met you all in person.

Sadly, I cannot take a decent picture from my phone, so you will have to enjoy everyone else's!

I swear I could use another two days to recover. I just don't party like that on a regular basis! Plus my train was delayed en route last night, so I didn't get home until almost 3am. Nothing like 8.5 hours on a train to farg up your back. At least I didn't have to share the row with anyone!

All aboard!

Blogging from an actual train! Had to test out my phone too.

OMG

Can't. Sleep. Train leaving in six hours.  *sigh*

Whee!

That is how I feel right now. I need to go finish packing because tomorrow is going to be a VERY early morning!

BOOBS Questions!

1) You’re trapped on a desert island and you can bring only 3 of your favourite foods along. What do you bring?

Junior Mints, pasta with meatballs, and fish tacos!

2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?

I suck at these kind of questions... First, Eleanor Roosevelt. I read a few books about her -- she was a fascinating lady.  Second, Barbara Stanwyck -- she is one of my favorite actresses of all time. And third,
Stephen King -- I'd love to pick his brain or just talk about stuff. I think he'd be cool to hang out with and talk pop culture.

3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)

I would be the oh so apropo Muffy Shagbark.

4) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Alternative question if you don’t want to answer this: What is your LEAST favourite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favourite since losing weight?

I was 19. Least favorite part: the gut. I feel like after the weight and two babies, it will just never be flat. More favorite: emerging cheekbones and collarbones.

5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted?

Yes and yes. My first house was haunted. I will tell you stories and freak your shit out!

6) What is your natural hair colour? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come?

My hair is dark brown. I used to dye it all sort of crazy, but I've left it alone for the past four years.

7) Boxers or briefs? Alternatively…bikinis or granny panties?

Boxers. For me, hipsters or high cuts -- still gotta hold in the muffin top occasionally.

8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)

Xanadu. I know, I'm such a dork.

9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)

See previous question.

10) How many pounds gone forever are you celebrating?? :) 

almost 60!

Simmer down!

No more anxiety-ridden posts from me this week -- only love!

I pulled up my suitcase from the basement tonight, but didn't quite get to packing. Stopped at Walgreens for a few travel-size items. I made a giant list of things to pack at work today -- it still needs some work. I like lists.

Tomorrow I need to scope out the train station. It's right in my downtown, but I've never actually paid much attention to it. I'm pretty sure it's just an awning and a slab of cement next to the tracks, and I don't want to be searching for it in the dark on Friday morning. I told hubs I was nervous about walking from the garage over to the station that early, and he laughed at me. He said if anyone tried to mug me, I should just break out my Krav (Krav Maga, if you're wondering) on them. Maybe I'll just swing my 80lb suitcase in their general direction -- that should take out any attackers! Wait... didn't I say no more anxiety?

Right now hubs is trying to explain some football thing to me. I don't think he noticed how my eyes glazed over.

Sooooo.... I don't think I'm going to make my 215 by Friday. Aunt Flo is visiting, so it's entirely possible that I may pee out 2lbs of water retention by then, but I'm not counting on it. I've just been focusing on making better food choices. Haven't quite made it to the gym yet. I'm okay with this. My fill is less than a week away, and I will come up with a good end of year challenge for myself.

Today's Eats:
6:45a - 1 scoop Nectar in water
10:00a - 1 Quaker fiber granola bar thingy
12:15p - 1/2 turkey burger patty with guac spread, 1/2 cup fettucine with butter
3:30p - 2 brownie bites (I need my chocolate during my TOM!)
6:45p - 1 bowl of hubby's homemade chicken soup. Yum!

Off to bed with me. Good night bloggers! I feel my PMS lifting already... I should be in a stellar mood by Thursday!

More on my shopping trip today

This whole time I've been having second thoughts about my Dress Barn purchase. It's a cute dress, but I didn't feel like I looked that great in it. At this point in my weight loss career, if I put that much money into something, I better feel absolutely fantastic with it on. This new dress is really nicely made and can definitely be taken in as I get thinner. I also love it on me and don't even feel like I need my "foundation garments." The trick will be getting it to Chicago without it turning into a wrinkled mess. Hotels have steamers, don't they?

Anywhoozle (to borrow from Draz and others), this shopping trip, apart from the awesome dress purchase, was seriously depressing. I'm a very picky shopper -- I get an idea in my head about what I'm looking for and nothing else will do. This is especially unfortunate when you are a plus-size shopper with limited stores to choose from. I started at Parisian because they have their Goodwill Sale going on right now. The selection there was dismal -- no dresses above a 16 that I could tell. I did score a cute pair of ankle boots though (so I guess there were two good things about my trip).  Lord n Taylor and Macy's were next -- nothing. Then I went to Torrid where a very nice girl got me lots of cute things to try on, except I realized in the dressing room that I'm 34, not 24, and bar pants and a sequined tank are just not me anymore. Depressing. Lane Bryant even let me down. I found a cute gray and black leopard print skirt, but they didn't have my size. Poo.

The real bummer about this whole thing is that I let a few hours of bad shopping completely negate my progress so far. I found myself thinking... What the hell? I've lost almost sixty pounds and I still look like a frumpy slob? Still? What is it going to take? I had to remind myself that three years ago, I probably would have been crying because there wouldn't have been a sweet Calvin Klein dress in my size that was even remotely wearable. Or that wouldn't make me look like a sack of potatoes. The bottom line is, I did find a dress that I love (even my mom thought it looked great). And I'm not a frumpy slob anymore. Sometimes I still frump out, but as the mother or two under two, I reserve that right!

I do have to say, I'm glad a lot of you were talking about how sizes have changed because today I was wearing a size 22 pair of jeans from LB that are about 6 years old. How depressing is that?! Especially when I'm fitting into 16s and 18s in the stores! Damn you, vanity sizing!

All that mall walking counts as exercise too, right? And I was supposed to start packing for this weekend!

Indecisive much?

I bought ANOTHER dress today... Linky

Is it too much? *sigh*

I'm having wardrobe anxiety.

More later... hubs needs the computer.

BYOC and my cat

First some news about my kitty cat Snickers. We've been together for ten years, and she is about 12 or 13 years old. She is my second rescue kitty, and she is just the snarkiest thing you ever met. I love her. Well, the vet just called and said she has hyperthyroidism, which means medicine for the rest of her life, which is probably only a couple more years. Luckily, this medication is fairly inexpensive, though the constant vet bills for checking her thyroid levels will not be. Hubs and I have talked a lot in the past about how we will not be spending thousands of dollars on our pets, especially with two babies. I was always in agreement, but now with this staring me in the face, I'm really in turmoil over it. I had to put my Brando down six years ago for diabetes, and it was awful. I don't want to lose my Snicky. I hate this.

And I have to work tomorrow.

For now... here's me bringing my own crazy...

1. Last week we asked your favorite thing about being an adult. This week the question is: what is one thing you miss about being a child?

I miss the family get-togethers we used to have when I was a kid. Not just for special occasions, but just those "whenever" times too. My cousins and I were together so much we were practically like siblings. We still see each other a lot, but it's not the same. I wish everyone still lived within a few miles of one another.

2. When you make a serious life decision – do you use your head or your heart?

A little of both. I try to use my head, but I have a tendency to jump in withe my whole heart. My mom always says this about me: "No matter how many times you land in the shit, you always come out smelling like roses." I have strange luck that way. Things seem to work out ok. Or maybe I am just good at making the best out of bad situations.

3. In relation to blogs….are you a never commenter, a sometimes commenter, an almost always commenter or a direct emailer kinda person?

I'm a sometimes commenter. I usually only comment if I have something to offer (encouragement, etc.), or if the person doesn't have any comments, I like to show that I was there and reading. Sometimes it's all I can do just to keep up with reading all the posts, let alone commenting! I rarely direct email. I think I've only emailed two people out here in blogworld. It's not that I don't want to... I'm just kinda shy about it.

4. If life was a flavor – would it be savory, sweet or sour?

A bit of each. I need variety.

5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in life or in blogland.

This week has just flown by. Hubs has been working late, so I feel like I've been on my own with the kids, and I'm tired. Now I have cat drama. My complacency about my weight plateau is starting to wear off. I had been feeling pretty good about myself, and now I'm getting all down about it again. I am so ready for my fill and to start exercising again.

Cats and clothes

My mom came over today to help me take the cats to the vet (more on that in a bit) and to help me shop for some Chicago items. Shopping with my mom can be risky, but I really needed someone to be objective. And my mother will definitely give me the last word on whether I can get away with wearing something. Plus, I think she was a little excited (just like me) that I was finding a ton of stuff to try on. For the record, she is a teensy weensy little size 6. I think she was probably a size 0 when she got married. Seriously. Tiny. Person. So you can imagine how enormous I felt being compared to her all the time -- but that's another post for another time.

Back to the shops... After tons of trying on tons of stuff, all I ended up with was the dress from Dress Barn (see previous post) and two little sweaters. One is a very lightweight brown number that I still need something to put under. The other is a fluttery black jersey cardi which I thought would be good for Friday night (it will be perfect for bar-going, if that happens to be part of Friday night). Both sweaters were right around $20 each, which is in keeping with my rules about not spending too much money on things that won't fit me in two months.

When we got back to my house, I tried on all my jeans and khakis that I had in the closet. I got two pairs for the sisterhood (not sure if they'll make it to Chicago, so I'll post them later). I also attempted to wiggle into my spanx and failed miserably. Seriously people, I do not get the spanx. I bought these things for my honeymoon cruise and actually remember being in tears trying to get them on! I will instead be smoothing myself with your basic power panty / girdle type thing from Cacique. Whatever. It works.

So, all in all, I'm mostly set to pack for Chi-town. Except for shoes... that is going to be a problem. I am a total shoe whore. I have at least four pair out at any given time, and they all live right next to the side door. My husband has dubbed this area the "Payless Shoe Store". I'm really trying to pare down to three pair in my luggage, but sometimes a girl just likes to have options.

About the kittens... I actually only managed to get two of the three cats to the vet this morning. The other one hid in the basement, and there was just no finding him. Of the two that did go, one gained two pounds and the other lost two pounds, which was a bit worrisome. So almost three hundred dollars later, I now know that Snickers does not have parasites, liver disease, kidney disease, diabetes, or UTI. Still waiting on the thyroid panel. And she and Mr. Baby are finally up to date on their shots. Mr. Baby is a beast now at 13lbs. Sheesh.

Oh yeah, 217.1 on the scale this morning. Two more to go... can she do it?

I need opinions!

I think this may be my dress for Saturday night at BOOBS. What do you guys think? I have it on hold at Dress Barn.

Monday Motivation... or whatever it's called

Bullet time!

• Carmen was talking about finding her hipbones today, and it reminded me of last week when I had my pre-stent-removal xray. The technician kept pressing really hard on my hipbones to locate them and line up the xray correctly (so I assume). It didn't hit me until reading Carmen's post that A) the tech didn't have to feel around for them. She just went right there. And B) there wasn't as much padding there and that's probably why it hurt a little. Muy interesante.
  
• I have an annoying NSV. Annoying, but NSV nonetheless. Those size 18 jeans I bought at Target a few days ago? Um, too big. Yes, in hub's words, falling off my ass. Great. $20 wasted. I didn't even try on the 16s because, well, just BECAUSE. That is what I get! I guess I will have to drop another $20 before BOOBS so I don't accidentally drop trou on you guys!
  
• I have set myself up for success this week. Lunch is packed for tomorrow. Ipod is charging. Protein powder purchased (Nectar Fuzzy Navel, if you care). Gym bag... okay not packed. But I can always come home and walk the neighborhood before the daycare run. Today was the third work day in a row that I have eaten a Lean Cuisine instead of buying lunch. Gotta get these food habits under control before the fill. I'm feeling pretty good.
  
• Weight this morning: 217.4. Goal: 215 for BOOBS.

Peace out!

I made a pic page!

I finally found the original comparison pics I took when I was about 30 lbs down (4 months post-op). I tried to get hubs to take some current ones, but he is a sucky photographer and they don't match up very well. My mom will be over next week, so I will get her to take them. For now, you can check out my face comparison from start to down 30 to present. Linky at the top!

Target made my day

Did you guys know that regular clothes (read: not Womens) go up to an 18 now? I went a little crazy trying stuff on yesterday. No pics though -- my phone is a crappy dressing room camera. After all that though, all I ended up getting was a pair of jeans. I am quite happy with that though. They fit good and they look good and they were CHEAP. Which is good since I only plan on wearing them for about two months.

I am going crazy right now trying to pull together my daughters 2nd birthday party this Sunday. I let this entire last month go by the wayside  -- I guess that's what happens when you feel like shit and have zero motivation. Anyway, I ordered food and the cake Wednesday, bought supplies yesterday, and today after work I need to go order balloons (maybe) and buy pop and chips. Busy busy!

Relief!

The ureter stent finally came out today. Things are still a bit uncomfortable, but it should all be a distant memory in a few days. When I got to the urologists office today, I had a little moment. I was under the impression that this thing was coming out no matter what, so when the assistant told me the doc had to look at my xray and ultrasound first, I started crying! Just the thought of having to deal with that thing one more day was enough to send me into a tizzy. But, all that was unnecessary because it is gone. Finally. I am so looking forward to peeing without pain.

AND. I weighed in this morning at 217.5, so my 60lb mark is definitely within reach by the end of this month. If I get my sorry ass to the gym a couple times next week, and keep the junk under control, all will fall into place I think. It would be really nice to get past this next milestone. I have been looking at some recent pics of me and one thing I noticed is how much narrower I am. I guess I'm always looking at my profile and waiting for my boobs and gut to shrink in, and I never thought about checking things out from other angles. Looks good!

I really really really really really need to go shopping. I need a nice outfit to wear to dinner in Chicago, and a couple decent shirts (other than t-shirts) to wear around. Maybe a casual pair of shoes. My wardrobe is in seriously awful condition. At the same time, I don't want to spend a bunch of money on clothes just yet. Especially since I plan on losing another 25-30 by the end of the year. What is a girl to do?

August Wrap Up and Lunch Inspiration

First, the wrap up: Boy, has August been a sucky month for me. I just want to forget the whole thing. The ureter stent is bugging me so much I actually have been taking Norco at night the last few days. It is being removed on Wednesday finally, and, I think once it's gone, my attitude will be a lot better. I'm finding it really hard to be positive when I'm feeling like such utter crap. All month I've been trying to talk myself into giving it the old college try and lose a few pounds, but instead I resorted to fast food and junk food and all manner of horrid eating habits. It's a miracle I am still holding steady at 218. My August goals weren't a total wash though. No, I didn't do any exercise, but that was mainly because of the stent. I did meet my water intake goal -- I think I only missed it three or four days. And I did avoid fast food for breakfast (I went for dinner instead. ugh.).

So, on to September. This month has started out with a nice little NSV. I took myself to Old Navy yesterday and got a new pair of jeans, size 18. This is huge for me because I haven't bought a new pair of jeans in three years -- yes, since before banding! I spent the majority of the last two years in maternity clothes, and those just don't count. So, yeah, an 18. The last new pair of jeans I bought back in 2007 was a 24. Three sizes down! Also, it's thrilling to be able to shop somewhere other than Lane Bryant.

Anyway, on to my lunch inspiration...

Lunch has always been my toughest meal. At work, lunch comes a little too early, so I'm often not quite "loosened up" for the day yet. Finding something that my band will tolerate can be challenging. I'm also a bit picky -- no tuna, no canned chicken or salmon, no sandwiches. Lunch is a constant creative challenge.

In the past I've usually resorted to soup or meat/cheese rollups, but this gets a little boring after awhile.Or I try to eat a Lean Cuisine, only to get stuck on the rice or past in it. Also, with hubs officially on the weight loss bandwagon (he's lost 15 so far!), I mean to start cooking more and preparing healthier snacks. We both want to set good examples for the kids, especially the tater tot, as she's now eating more of what we eat.

Today, the internet provided me with a little inspiration: Bento boxes.

Bento boxes! They're perfect. Small amount of food. Variety. No heating necessary, in theory. Infinite possibilities. And cute carrying case to boot. This is the one that originally got my attention:

Who wouldn't be excited about lunch with this little number? Happy bunnies? Come on! Here is another cute one:

Both of these are by a company called Kotobuki and are available at Amazon. (Hubs just informed me that I will not be spending $32 on a lunch box. We'll see.)

Getting past the cute wrapping... I found a few blogs and sites dedicated to bento lunching. I don't think I would get all crazy making rice ball faces and such, but the focus on variety and simplicity really got me excited. For example, a simple salad of shredded carrot, parsley, and sesame sounds divine. Black bean burgers? Sure! How about a microwave cheese and parsley omelet? If I'm feeling adventurous, there is plenty out there to try. And if I'm keeping it real, well then, I think cheese, crackers, fruit, and a few slices of turkey would probably do the trick. Not that I need a fancy little box to do that -- I get it, I do. I think what appeals to me here is the variety involved in a relatively small quantity of food. It's not a big ol' plate of ravioli. Instead, it's maybe 3 ravioli, a few olives, a meatball, and some greens with vinegar and oil. It's like grabbing a bit of this and a bit of that -- whatever I can find in the fridge.

I know this is nothing new or earth-shattering. But you know how sometimes you can know a thing, but not have it completely sink in until someone explains it to you an entirely different way? A lightbulb moment. That is how I'm feeling about bento lunching.


LatinConFusion has lots of low cal bentos -- lots of good looking lunches too. I will be consulting this blog often. Just Bento has a ton of recipes and bento ideas. And Lunch in a Box has links to tons of other bento blogs and lots of cooking and packing tips.

So that's my story for today. I promise to take pics of my new lunching adventures!

Ahhhhh,,,,

I'm getting some much needed rest today. Hubs and my in-laws took the toddler to a festival downtown, and I stayed home with the little guy. He's got a cold anyway. I am getting a ton of laundry done and catching up on some tv. It's nice to have a few hours of relative quiet -- this week has been hell. I have been feeling worse than ever and hubs has been working till 8 or 9 every night. It sucks. I just sort of got through the week on autopilot -- just the basics, nothing extra got done. I've never been so glad for a three-day weekend!

Band naming needed!

Yesterday at work, I got stuck on my sandwich. Actually, the sandwich went down fine, it was the four bites of cheesecake I had afterword that got stuck. Who gets stuck and slimes with no fill? Me. Crazy. Maybe that is my lesson for daring to eat cheesecake. Maybe my band would be nicer to me if I gave her a name rather than refer to her as the beeyotch all the time. There's your mission: name my band.

A hat

Turn a Square, originally uploaded by juno610.

Random picture! Here's a hat I made for the hubs last winter. I'm rather proud of this one. I'll share one of my less proud knitting moments later.