Thursday, June 3, 2010

Thoughts on a long journey - Part 1

As you know, if you read my teensy profile to the right, I've had my band for 3 1/2 years now. I'd like to give you my perspective on being that far out and not being at goal weight yet. Here's my first rambling session,
When I first got my band I didn't want to make it 100% public, but there were a few groups of people I knew I really needed to tell. This was mainly because I didn't know how this was all going to work, and I didn't want to be constantly explaining my drastic change in eating habits. First, it was family. I'm very close to my extended family on my mom's side, and we see them a lot. Plus, I knew they would be supportive (which they have been, save for one comment that shall be explored later). I also told my in-laws, because they are the best and would also be worried. Next was my coworkers. I work in a hospital with a great bunch of nurses and other medical professionals -- a really invaluable resource for personal health issues. Plus, I eat lunch with these people every day. Thank God I did tell them, because coming up with excuses for my many emergency trips to the bathroom during lunch to slime gets old (I got caught throwing up in the bathroom once by a nurse I didn't know -- I told her I was pregnant. Ha.).
Over the years, I've told random other people about my band -- mostly the random friend who I deemed trustworthy. In general though, I've kept it pretty close. I'll admit that part of this was because I was afraid I would fail, and I didn't want to hear about it. I did go through two pregnancies after banding, and I knew it didn't matter, but I just KNEW I would still hear a bunch of crap along the lines of "three years, and she only lost 50 pounds? I guess that isn't working out." I'm sure a lot of the people that do know think this, but they are just too kind to say it to my face. In fact, my mom mentioned the lap band to another relative who was talking about her neighbor being afraid of bypass. This relative, who knows all about my band, says, "Oh, lap band? That doesn't work." That's ok, because I'm in the process of proving her wrong now, and anyone who wants to call me a failure can suck it.

All that aside, I've been feeling lately like I want to be more open about it. That's part of why I decided to start blogging. Maybe I want to be found out. Maybe if everyone around me knew, then it might be another little bit of motivation to stay the course. Maybe I just don't like keeping secrets. Maybe I need more cheerleaders. Who knows? I'm not going to go post it on my Facebook status anytime soon, but if someone asks me what I'm doing to lose weight, I've decided I will be truthful.

I hit a point this week where my weight loss is heading into new territory. I'm at 223.7 today. I haven't weighed 220 since my sister got married 5 years ago. I haven't seen 205 since I was working at Starbucks 7 years ago. I haven't seen 190 since I was in college 12 years ago (and I thought I was a whale then. Shit, if I only knew!). So, I guess I'm getting nervous. It's happening... really happening. The band is working like I always wanted/expected/hoped it would. My brain hasn't quite caught up with this, but maybe that's a good thing. I tend to get bogged down in the details, a perpetual planner. I need to ride this wave of action right down to one-derland. I hope to be there before Chicago. Hell, I KNOW I'll be there before Chicago. Maybe that will be my first big shopping spree in non-plus size clothing. It's thrilling just to think about. It's so close, so close...


-Grace- said...

Hell yes! You will definitely be in Onederland by Chicago!

Linda said...

Hi Maria! i just found your blob (where have I been?). It sounds like your really getting back on track - I need to go back and read the rest now. Here's to onderland!

amandakiska said...

I am so glad you are blogging! I get so much inspiration from you banded veterans and your situation is especially unique because of the "baby gap" you went through since banding. Thank you for sharing!

Meli said...

maria i LOVED this post soooo much!! man i can so relate. in the past i've learned to keep my weight loss ventures from others because i was afraid to fail. i didn't want to let everyone down yet again.

and look at you, you had 2 kids. i know when the time comes i'll have a million questions because i want to get pregnant. i have to lose the weight first. but its nice to know someone who had babies after they got banded. you're an inspiration to me for sure. and you've got the band still and you're still losing. amazing!! go you!! i know you can do it!! i know i will be in your shoes in a few years as well. :)