Hello, my bandster pals! I've just been plodding along here. It's been so long since I really really posted that I can't even remember what I need to catch you up on!
A few weeks ago when I met with the NUT, we talked a lot about how the scale numbers don't seem to be a big motivating factor for me -- at least as far as getting me over my ambivalence. So we decided to take a different approach and focus on habits. Habit #1 was me bringing my lunches to work instead of buying in the cafeteria. I'm happy to say that I did this all but two days. This is just going to get easier because starting tonight, I'm now packing lunch for the tater tot (she starts preschool tomorrow! squee!) every night too. For anyone who cares, tomorrows lunch consists of sesame kale salad, salami and cheese, and some grapes. My next NUT appointment is Wednesday, and I think my next habit will be either 65g of protein per day or only water to drink (and getting enough of it).
I also got a fitbit last week! I love it so far, and while I'm not logging my food consistently yet, it's been worth it just to see my steps/flights and sleep quality. I've had two 10k+ step days, and the rest were between 4k and 9k. It's nice to know that I get about 5k in at work without even trying.
Speaking of steps... the running. It's still happening. I know I have been wishy-washy about C25k, and I still haven't really gone back to it (Sorry, Liz!), but I have still been running. The past two weekends I've done a 3 mile route in my neighborhood in under 50 minutes. Today I only did 2 miles, but I ran two half-mile stretches. I felt pretty good about that. Next week is going to be a challenge because hubs is heading to Costa Rica for work so there will be no morning workouts for me (daycare/preschool drop-offs are usually his gig). I've got to fit them in though because my next 5k is the following Sunday!
What else... oh yeah, the shrink. I really like her and I need a better nickname for her. The shrink just has that negative connotation. Anyway, she tasked me with being mindful and slowing down. So, when I'm about to pull in to the Sonic drive through or grab a candy bar while in line at the drug store, I've been really thinking about what I'm doing. Why do I feel like I need this right now? What do I not want to feel? I'll tell you, sometimes it ain't pretty and I go for the food anyway. Sometimes though, I am stronger than the craving and have allowed myself to feel sad or pissed off or whatever it is. I swear, there are so many times when I'm on autopilot that it's scary.
My stomach is also still all kinds of fucked up. I'm getting this weird pain on my upper right side a lot after I eat, which my google fu tells me is probably the Sphincter of Oddi, which apparently sometimes acts up after you've had your gall bladder removed, which leads me to think, why the hell did I bother? Or maybe it's the gastroparesis. I don't frickin know. I still have not been able to talk to my band doc about this whole mess, so we're still in limbo on that. In the meantime, I still need to keep at it. I found a really great youtube video about why some people gain weight with gastroparesis, and the theory is that it's the food. You're supposed to eat low-fat and low-fiber (to avoid further slowing down your stomach motility), and some foods just do not agree, so what the hell is left? Processed garbage. In light of that, I'm recommitting myself to choosing whole foods and limiting the heck out of grains.
So that is where I'm at right now. As part of my mindfulness training, I do mean to check it more. It's good to get all my crazy out of my head and onto paper, as it were.
One last thing... So, every time I sit down to blog, my hubs asks if I'm blogging about him. I always say no, that this blog is not about him, and he pretends to get upset, and I pretend to get irritated. It's our little game. Tonight, same thing, except when I said, "No, this blog is not about you," he says, "Well how will they ever find out about my d!ck?!" *sigh* Men. We laughed for like five straight minutes, especially at the thought of me actually blogging about his ween. This is what I live with, and I love it.