Thursday, November 11, 2010

11/11/10 I'm sad

I'm sad. I'll admit it. I'm having one of those moments, and I've had plenty over the past almost four years, where I'm really disappointed that I haven't accomplished more with my band. I know sixty pounds is nothing to sneeze at, but I still can't help wishing I was further towards goal. Some of this is stemming from the realization of how far I still have to go; seeing how much smaller I am, but how big I still feel.


This has been weighing on me since Chicago (especially with my extended plateau), and the other day I thought, hey, I had two babies after my band and came out thinner on the other side AND I'm thinner than I was when I got married. How many people can say that, right? It's something, and I need to recognize it.

So far this week every flipping meal has been a struggle. Every time I get hungry I want to eat three donuts or a mountain of pad thai or a giant Jimmy John's sub. About 80% of the time, I've resisted. That's why I've been logging my food, even though I hate it and hate making myself feel like I'm dieting. I guess the truth is, I am dieting right now. I surely don't have the restriction that had allowed me to not diet. Is it the right thing to do? I don't know. I do think it's the best thing for me right now. Otherwise, I would be sure to backslide. I guess I still want to drown my feelings with food. Will that ever be gone?

Just had to get that off my chest.

8 comments:

Justawallflower said...

So sorry you are struggling! Don't give up, just work through it, and acknowledge all that you have done, like you have here. But don't just say them, really know that you have come a long way, and you will prevail!

tessierose said...

Hang in there!! You are amazing, 2 babies and thinner than when you married. You will get there, just have faith and resist the mountain of pad thai!

Bonnie said...

Damn straight 60lbs is nothing to sneeze at. You totally need to focus on your accomplishments. Maybe I missed something, but can't you get a fill since you don't have restriction? I think it's a lot easier to deal with food when you have restriction. Hence, why we all got the band. :) And the last piece of good news is you are a beautiful girl NOW!

Gilly said...

girlfriend, I think like 80% of us are stuck since Chicago. I sure am! Halloween has not helped. I've felt pretty helpless when it comes to food. I'm starting to realize that, even with the band, food really controls me. Some might even say it's an addiction. Har har har.

You are winning, my friend. We all are...but some are winning faster than others, that's all. We just have to figure that out and know it and believe it. Lots of love coming your way!! xo

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

I am sorry your are struggling. Having 2 babies while having the band is amazing! Cut yourself some slack. If it is any consolation, I am pretty much on a diet all the time. I really do watch what I eat and drink. I am going out for a Margarita tonight, but I have not had one in 2 weeks. I seem to enjoy it more when I space them out. Hang in there sweetie!

amandakiska said...

Until you have good restriction again, you may have to fall back on the old diet rules. You'll get there! I promise. Keep blogging!

Maria said...

Thanks everyone. It's just so nice to know I'm not alone!

Miss Tori said...

When you get to a plateau, it can be quite hard to make your way past it. I'm hoping this challenge does it for me, as I've been at pretty much the same weight since July. But I'm recommitting to my band. It's there, waiting to do its thing if I'm ready to do mine.

You can do it! And if it takes you "dieting" for a few weeks during the challenge to reconnect with the good habits, that's okay.