I'm sad. I'll admit it. I'm having one of those moments, and I've had plenty over the past almost four years, where I'm really disappointed that I haven't accomplished more with my band. I know sixty pounds is nothing to sneeze at, but I still can't help wishing I was further towards goal. Some of this is stemming from the realization of how far I still have to go; seeing how much smaller I am, but how big I still feel.
This has been weighing on me since Chicago (especially with my extended plateau), and the other day I thought, hey, I had two babies after my band and came out thinner on the other side AND I'm thinner than I was when I got married. How many people can say that, right? It's something, and I need to recognize it.
So far this week every flipping meal has been a struggle. Every time I get hungry I want to eat three donuts or a mountain of pad thai or a giant Jimmy John's sub. About 80% of the time, I've resisted. That's why I've been logging my food, even though I hate it and hate making myself feel like I'm dieting. I guess the truth is, I am dieting right now. I surely don't have the restriction that had allowed me to not diet. Is it the right thing to do? I don't know. I do think it's the best thing for me right now. Otherwise, I would be sure to backslide. I guess I still want to drown my feelings with food. Will that ever be gone?
Just had to get that off my chest.