Smack me

I've been a lazy blogger. Poo.

Wanted to report on the j/obberdoo. I called the recr/uiter and he was apparently impressed enough with what I told him on the phone that he is willing to accept my app late and talk to the hir/ing person about me. Whee! I also told my current person in charge, and she was super cool and supportive about it. I heart her. Seriously.

Eating is about 70% good. I'm getting there. Still miserable with my ureter stent. I go to bed most nights right after the kids because I just cannot cope with the discomfort another second. I've decided that once this stent is out I'm hitting the gym like a madwoman and losing ten pounds in two weeks right before BOOBS. Ha! Maybe 5lbs. Well, whatever it takes to have my 60lbs gone badge. If I manage to get back to losing ten pounds a month, I was thinking I could be in the 180s by Christmas. That would be an awesome present.

Hope all is well out there in blogland. I'll try to post more this week. I still need to do a picture post...

Crushed.

That j/ob I was going to apply for? Gone. Taken down. Already. I know it's silly, but I was all pumped about it. I logged in just a few minutes ago to submit my info and it simply wasn't listed anymore. There is a knot is my stomach. I know there was no guarantee I would get it; maybe it was just the thought of actually doing something new.

Hubs was saying at least I'm current and ready when something else pops up. He's right, but it's not helping at the moment.

I feel like having a tantrum. Actually, that would take too much energy.

In band news... I weighed myself this morning. 218. Only two pounds up over two months of being unfilled. I'd call that a maintenance success, wouldn't you? Time to get back to losing though.

This is where my head is at...

So, I don't love my j/ob. There's parts of it I do like immensely, especially my coworkers, but overall I feel like I have more to contribute and, frankly, I'm bored. I get frustrated by stupid things because I'm powerless in my current spot to fix them. I'm not passionate about the technical aspects, like some people are. I want out.

I haven't been actively 'looking.' It's really easy to be complacent when your w/ork is easy and boring and the like. The dinero is good, the hours are good, the person in char/ge of me is great, what is there to complain about, really? I just feel like there is more out there for me and more of me to offer.

A few days ago, I was searching the internal postings and there it was: my perfect way out of direct pa\tient care. I meet the requirements, and I'm very qualified, it sounds right up my alley, so I decided to apply. I'm terrified. It's a huge step for me. I've been in my current spot for going on five years now. I always knew I didn't want to be there forever, but I wasn't sure I was ready to go yet. But when the universe smacks you in the face with something this big, I really think you have to seize the day. Maybe they won't think I'm the right person. Maybe they won't even call. That will be disappointing, but it will be ok. Because I put myself out there and took a chance. You've got to take that first step if you're going to get anywhere ever. You won't finish the race if you never get off the starting line.

My head is full of turmoil over this. In a good way, of course. It's stressful, but it's a good step forward out of a rut. I could draw many parallels to the way I'm feeling about my weight loss right now, but you guys have heard all of that before. I need to seize the day there as well, get off the starting blocks, put some effort out into the universe and see what I get back.

Hope you all have a good Wednesday!

You guys are the best!

Thanks for the comments, girls! I have been re-reading them every day.

Short and sweet: Things are going ok. I'm in a lot of pain and discomfort from this stent. That is why I haven't been blogging much this week. Counting the days...

A small rant

Surgery yesterday went well. Now I have a stent in place for the next three weeks which means I'm limited to light walking as far as exercise goes. I was so ready to get back to things, and now I have to put them off a little longer. Maybe I'll do some of the balance games on Wii Fit just to say I did something.

The thing I have to rant about is my fill, or lack thereof. I can't get an appointment until AFTER Chicago! So so so so SO frustrated with that! The thing is, I probably could get in a little earlier, but I just can't ask for any more time off after all this kidney stone nonsense. At least you all will be spared the possibility of seeing me PB!

I'm going to stop myself from whining too much about that because you know what? There is no excuse for me to use this as a weight loss vacation. I CAN make some progress without a fill. The lack of exercise will be a bit of a challenge, but maybe I just have to suck it up and log my foods for a few weeks and pay closer attention to what I'm putting in my mouth. It just has to be done. It just HAS TO.

Feel free to leave me some pep talk in the comments!

Update on the boulder in my kidney

In my post a few days ago, I mentioned I was having a CT scan to size up the little bastard stone my right kidney has been growing. Well, it's a whole 1 cm (which means BIG), and it is now lodged in my ureter. which means lithotripsy is no longer an option. Tomorrow I will be back under general anesthesia so my urologist can go up there, break it up with a laser, and drag it out. Good times! At least this procedure will not result in more holes in my belly (don't count these chickens before they hatch, right?). Wish me luck! Oh yeah, and there's another 3.5mm stone in the other kidney. Sheesh.

Other than that, I'm still holding around 216-218. I haven't been exercising at all, but my water intake has been excellent. Not making too much of an effort with food. I'm making good choices, but, as always, they could be better. Still walking around in shorts two sizes too big for me because a) I'm being too cheap to spend money on shorts I'm only going to wear for a few more weeks and b) I haven't had time to go shopping. I'm really hoping to do a mini shopping spree just before Chicago. When I say I have no clothes, I really mean I have no clothes. I have one pair of khaki capris that I bought in June, and a few tees that fit good. I wear scrubs to work, so I don't even have any dress clothes. Hell, I don't even know if my shoes fit me anymore. It's so weird and so wonderful at the same time.

Hmmm... I wasn't really planning a clothing rant for tonight, but I guess that is what's rattling around my noggin.

BYOC

1.  Do you remember your last dream?

My last dream was one of those mish mashes where people are not who they really are (like it's your mom physically, but you are seeing her as some random chick from work). Nothing made sense really, and there was nothing especially memorable about it. I can't even remember any details. Wait, does that mean this dream doesn't count?

2.  Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why?

Oh, I may just have to cheat here. I like hands too, and I can't say it any better than Draz did. When I was dating back in the day, I always used to check out the guy's hands. If they were girly, it was just not going to happen. And nothing makes me happier than my girl's chubby little toddler hands. I hold 'em every chance I get.

3.  Tell me about your first kiss...

 
I can't remember if it was 6th or 7th grade. We were on a "double date" (as if you can really call it a date when you're twelve) at the movies. Joe Vs the Volcano, I think. It was a quick peck. But it still counts, right? I had been going to school with this kid since kindergarten. He's a fireman now!

4.  How big is your bed?

We just upgraded to a queen two years ago. Before that, we had a full. Can you imagine? Neither of us could be called svelt, and I don't know how we managed. I would kill for a king size, but that would pretty much take up the entire bedroom. I'm quite satisfied with the queen though -- it's such a major improvement. Nice having a new mattress in general!

5.  Repeat question....whose blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?

This is kind of a non-post. I noticed my BOOBS roomie, Jenny, hasn't posted in three weeks. I hope she is doing ok!

Oh bother...

I had to call in to work today because now BOTH kidlets are sick. The tater tot is still running a fever, and now the little guy is coughing and hacking and choking on mucus. I moved him to the swing at about 2:30 this morning so he would be a little more upright. Hopefully we can get into the ped's office early so it doesn't interrupt nap time (sweet glorious quiet peaceful nap time!).

I'm probably getting myself all worked up for nothing, but I'm afraid this is going to mess up my time off plans for the next two months. The way I figure it, I need 32 hours of vacay to cover two days off this month, plus two days off for Chicago next month. I'm pretty sure I had 27 accrued, and there's still like 3 pay periods before Chicago, so I think I'll be alright. What I really need to do is just dig up a recent pay stub and figure it out instead of worrying about it. There's a lot of good things about working full time, but trying to fit in doctor appointments and such is horrendous. I hate burning a whole day of vacation pay just for two hours at the ped's office or whatever (this month it's my fill and my follow up to the uro, then the little guy's repeat audiology testing). The way staffing is at my place, it just isn't possible to take a half day.  I'm just blathering...

Here's hoping the tater is not too much of a fuss pot today.

The big 5 oh!

I just noticed I have fifty followers! How freakin cool is THAT!?! I'm seriously glad to have you all and I hope I amuse you once in a while!

Stones, and not rolling ones!

Ugh, you guys. I have a giant kidney stone. It's big. I'm having a CT scan on Wednesday to size it up more accurately, then I will most likely be having Extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy (This was in bold when I copied it, and it seemed like it should stay that way. I mean, we're talking shock waves here, LOL!). Never a dull moment in my body, it seems. FYI, if you ever have to have a cystoscopy, it's really not so bad. I had myself all worked up over it and it was nothing.

This whole kidney stone thing really makes me realize how important my water goal is. In fact, I'm going to gradually up my intake over the next few weeks until I can tolerate about 100oz a day. This should probably help the ol' constipation issue too.

Are you guys sick of hearing about my insides yet?

My little tater tot has a fever, so she and I watched 90 minutes of Dora the Explorer at 2:30 this morning. So glad I did not have to work today. Also glad she eventually passed out so we could both get a couple more hours of sleep. Poor thing.  Hopefully the little guy doesn't catch whatever it is.

Warning: I will be talking about poop!

Let me just say, Miralax sure works good for me. I wish I would've weighed myself before and after that particular evacuation!

I've been thinking a lot this weekend about habits. Good habits, bad habits, current habits, lost habits, the habits I had when I was steadily losing this spring and summer. There's a few I've let go that I'm working on bringing back. First is my morning protein. I used to start every morning with a scoop of Nectar in watered-down juice. On the weekends, I would make a smoothie of it by adding frozen mango chunks. I started this again Friday. It's a good start to the day, and keeps me from stopping at Sonic on my way to work. Lord knows I don't need to set my day off with a large lemon-berry slush on a regular basis.

Next is a journal I used to keep about various bodily functions. You may laugh, but I really need to keep track of when I poo. When I don't, like recently, I end up going almost a week without a good dump, and that can be really bad. It starts to make me feel sick. I digress... There's a little calendar I keep on my nightstand where I keep track of poos, periods, and stuck episodes. I started this when I was trying to get pregnant with my first, and over the last few years I have seen the benefit. Patterns start to emerge, and I can keep myself, well, running good. It's kind of like a maintenance log for your car or something. This starts again today.

Those are two big ones I want to focus on right now. There are other things like the things I eat for lunch at work, packing my gym bag ahead of time, leaving certain chores for the weekend so I can actually go to the gym, just your basic every day life kinda things. I know a lot of this went to the wayside when I got my unfill before surgery, and that is no excuse. I really wanted to make it a successful month, and I think it was if only because I didn't gain. So I guess it wasn't a total train wreck. I could've done better though.

My August goals are going ok so far.
Water: I've fallen short of my 70ish oz only 1 day so far.
Weight: holding steady at 216. Maybe my empty bowels will help with that.
Workouts:  nothing yet. Goal is ten days.

I have a fill appointment on the 16th. Absolutely cannot WAIT!

Oh yeah, a little NSV from yesterday. We were at my hubby's annual family reunion and a bunch of people told me I looked great, yada yada yada. It felt awesome to have my weight loss recognized. There are only a few people (and I mean few) that know about my band, and not one person questioned how I did it, etc. It was nice not to have to justify anything and just enjoy the attention. On a side note, I had one teensy margarita early in the day and felt totally hammered from it. I am such a lightweight these days.

We are about to pack up for my sister's house. It's my dad's birthday (and his wife's birthday too), so we are having dinner and cake. Ta ta for now!

BYOC. Happy Friday!

1. This is something a bit different and comes from my lovey dove Barbara (My NEW LIFE rules). It’s called “Which one would you rather?”….

Tom Cruise or
Tom Brady?

Mr. Big (Sex and the City) or
Tony Little (excercise nut)?

Whoopi Goldberg or
Making whoopi?

I gotta go with Tom Brady. Tom Cruise is a weirdo and nutcase. No thanks! Tom Brady is pretty hot anyhow.

Mr. Big all the way. I always though Tony Little looked kinda stumpy. I'm not even sure what I mean by that.

And, um, making whoopi. Tee hee.

2. I know some of us have discussed this before but I’ve been thinking and hearing it more in blog land as many of you are getting closer to goal. How do you feel about plastic surgery? What lengths would you go to in order to achieve it?

I'm pretty sure at some point I'm going to want a tummy tuck and a boob job. After a sixty pound loss, my boobs have hardly shrunk. I don't want to see what 150 looks like with big ol' floppy double Ds. I also think after years of yoyo-ing and two kids, my poor stomach just doesn't have a chance. I'm hoping I can get insurance to pay for the boob job because of back problems. Either way, I probably need to start saving right this minute!

3. What’s your favorite website?

OMG, I have a million. For fitness stuff, I like to see what Mistress Krista has to say. When I'm bored I like to read about annoying customers and punctuation gaffes. Some of my favorites that I keep up with in my google reader are Free Range Kids, Fix Me a Snack, and  Get Rich Slowly.

4. What’s your best tip for having a great vacation? (Yes, this is me being selfish….getting slightly nervous about my first vacay ever in 13 DAYS!)

My best tip is don't over schedule yourself!

5. Repeat question….which blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?

A few, this week. Draz's post about her daughter. Dinnerland's fat prejudice post.  I also got a kick out of Band Groupie's Shark Week post.

Whew! That whole thing was kinda link intensive!

Nobody gonna break my stride...

A little 80s music for you there in my post title.

Turns out, as I expected, I cannot get in for a fill until September. Really? How, I ask you, HOW is this acceptable? When I spoke to the gal who books fill appointments today, I was very honest and told her that as much as I appreciate her and Dr. K, I am getting fed up with the overbooked schedule and the fact that there is no emergency support for bandsters, and that I am starting to consider going elsewhere. Once I said that, she magically found me an appointment two Mondays from now. It's in the morning, so I wouldn't be able to make it anyway because I'm working. Grrrr. I'm going to try to get someone to cover it, so I can actually go and get on with losing weight. In the meantime, I will be investigating some other docs in the area to see if the situation is any better elsewhere.

Having said that, I am not going to use this fill delay as an excuse to be a pig and eat whatever I want. I do have a fair amount of restriction still in the sense that I am satisfied for a good three hours after I eat. As long as I put in a little effort and make good choices, I know I can still lose this month. It might not be 8lbs, but I know I could make 5 for sure. Hell. I could beat 8 if I really wanted to.

Thursday will be my triumphant return to the gym. Well, maybe not so triumphant, but I'm going. Me and the treadmill have some catching up to do.

Well, that's Monday for you...

I didn't get my fill today. *pout*

I had to w*rk two hours overtime to cover a late test, which was an epic fail on my part, by the way. Wish I could elaborate, but, you know...

So, I had to cancel my fill appointment. The gal at the office said she might be able to fit me in Wednesday, but seeing as how my week is shaping up, I am not holding my breath. Tomorrow, it'll be another race against time to get to the gyno's office for THAT appointment. Seriously, of all the appointments in the world, isn't that the one you don't mind missing? I'm sure I'll make it in plenty of time.

Now that I'm done pouting about that, I can tell you my first day of my August Goals has gone well. I had a good breakfast (no fast food) and about 70oz of water. A good day on that front.

Getting back on the wagon

Here's a little of what has been keeping me occupied these past two weeks: I've been having some bladder issues, as in, I feel like I have to go all the time. I saw a urologist, and he wants me to have a gyno exam before he scopes my bladder. So, I'm trying to fit all those appointments in around work. It's insanely annoying. I also found out I am retaining urine for some reason. No infection, which is good. Possible kidney stones. We'll see.

Other than that, I've just been muddling through the days. Nothing too exciting at work, kids are good, I'm sleeping better. Yesterday was member-fest at the Detroit Zoo, so we met my sister and her hubby there with the kidlets. It was cloudy, but turned out to be a nice night. Here's a pic of my girl (in the pink) and my niece. They are so darn cute together. 11 months apart, if you're curious.

So, August is upon us. Another month. A fill for me, tomorrow. Time to saddle up, and get going again. My weigh-in this morning was 217, which means a 6lb loss for the Hot Summer Meltdown. Nothing grand, but it means I got through my unfill period without any significant gain. I'll take it.

Goals for August:

• Exercise: at least 10 days
• Weight: 209 (an 8lb loss)
• Food: no more fast food breakfasts
• Water: at least 60oz of water a day (counting crystal light for now)

And, since I promised last week, here's some before and during photos for you.

Here's a pic from about my heaviest: four years ago, when my cousin had her first baby. So, I was at around 280 here.

Next, we have Christmas 2009, a few days before I had DS.

And here is yesterday at the zoo:

This is me and my sister:

So there you have it. I know I have some better full-body shots of myself from right after surgery. I have to dig them off an old computer though, so you'll have to wait for some serious comparison shots. I need to get better about taking pics. 

Hope everyone enjoys their Sunday!