Ugh. What a downer title, eh?
So I went to my weight control center appointment to meet with a new doctor. These docs are not surgeons, they are internists who supposedly specialize in bariatric issues. Ha. The good: I appreciated that she did a very thorough history to understand my situation, etc, etc. The bad: she couldn't answer any of my GI questions or make any suggestions other than, "Well, maybe you could try not keeping sweets in the house?" I was near tears at this point out of sheer frustration. Had she not listened to anything I said? I wanted to be all, "lady, if shit like that worked for me, I wouldn't have needed surgery!" Not to mention she was damn near an hour late for my appointment.
We also did lots of bloodwork, the results of which I got today. Not good. I'm basically malnutritioned. Yes, I am fat and malnutritioned. I love it. Low Vit D, low Vit B, low Iron, low iron saturation, high chloride, blah de blah blah blah. No wonder I'm so frakking tired all the time. It's a miracle I've managed to make it through 3 weeks of C25k!
Here's the deal. I can tell you guys this. But only you, because I know you will understand. Not my mom, not hubs, no one but you. I've been eating horrendously. I've been pretending it's not that bad, but it is. I've had donuts three mornings in a row. Three. Do you know how good the cherry fritters are from 7-11? Really good. And I ate ice cream for dinner one night. Ben & Jerry's. I've eaten my kids fruit snacks and vanilla wafers, and I think there was maybe one day last week that I actually drank my whole 64 oz of water. I've had pop and fruit juice. I went to a birthday party and had pop, frozen custard, AND cake. I've been drinking. Mixing up a little mango rum and orange juice after the kidlets are in bed. Can't let that OJ go to waste. A glass of wine sometimes. I had carrot cake after lunch today. Can't remember the last green vegetable I ate. Last time I ate a piece of fruit was probably 4 days ago. It's bad.
Whew. There it is. All my food sins out of my head. I'm actually sick to my stomach just reading over that last paragraph. Why do I do this to myself? I'm so frustrated about not being able to have a fill. Still haven't gotten to talk to my surgeon about my long-term band prognosis. Too much up in the air for me. I've got to get a handle on it. I'm not feeling very supported either. I was telling hubs about my blood work and instead of just listening, he interrupts and says, you gotta take your vitamins and exercise. No shit, thanks for the tip. Men. Always trying to fix things.
Lest I get even more long winded here... I will, once again, pick myself up and dust myself off. I will start my vitamin regimen tomorrow. I will NOT eat a donut.