Ever onward

So, I've been farting around long enough this year. I decided it was finally time to set some goals and at least make a real effort to get things moving again, thus my new page up there "11 weeks, 11 pounds". That's how long till my 35th birthday, and that's how much to get me under 200. Well, maybe a smidge more. I weighed 213 this morning -- probably cuz I had a cupcake and a cookie and a brownie and some other junk that shall not be named over the weekend. Let's just say I was PMSing something FIERCE. I'm back to logging my foods on myfitnesspal.com, aiming for 1200 cals/day.

I was reading about Food Constitutions over at Refuse to Regain, and I think this might be something worth mulling over. Stay tuned, it's still being mulled. As a start though, I offer you a few things I have learned about myself over the past six weeks with the elimination diet:

• processed food gives me cystic acne
• large amounts of wheat puts me in a coma
• sugar, honey, etc does not affect me adversely when used in moderation
• dairy makes me gassy and bloated
• dates give me wretched heartburn. WTF?!
• lamb is good, but I don't like the smell
• if I stay away from sugar for about three days, I not longer crave it
• a tablespoon of ground flaxseed a day keeps constipation away!

So there is the beginning of my food constitution. 

In other news, my left eyelid has been twitching for four days. I know this is usually from stress or lack of sleep, both of which I am experiencing right now. I got accepted into the June section of the practical exam for my EEG registry. I'm nervous! There is much preparation to be done. I keep catching myself scrunching up my eye trying to make it stop twitching -- I probably look like I am seizing myself! Note to self: cut it out. Another sign of stress for me? My fingers are a mess. When I'm nervous or bothered, I pick at the skin around my nails. Sometimes till it bleeds and hurts. It's f'd, I know. I can't help it.

On that note, I better go grab what little sleep I can --just in case the tater tot decides she needs to watch Tinkerbell again at 1:30 in the morning.

Getting there...

Yesterday at work, I walked into our staff bathroom to find someone had barfed all over the toilet and the floor. And just left it there. While I was surely a little grossed out, the first thing I thought of was, "Geez, couldn't they have got it in the toilet? All the times I've yakked up my lunch here, I've never left a mess behind!" Uhhh...What am I? Some kind of professional barfer? Ew. Just goes to show how living with a band can change your perspective on some things, not necessarily for the better.

The other night I was getting my pajamas on and, without thinking, I pulled off my jeans without unbuttoning or unzipping. You know what that means -- time to go down a size! So, I pulled out the size 16 Old Navy jeans I had bought on super sale in December. The good news? They fit! The bad news? My poor old saggy stomach is no match for these low riders. Muffin top galore! Ugh. So now what? I need to find some, dare I say, mom jeans that I can tuck the muffin top into.

The exercise must be working. Duh, right? I'm in my second week of the Angry Birds workout from Nerd Fitness. It's going really well. I'm doing my squats in the locker room before work, push-ups off the counter in my kitchen, back exercises and planks while the kids are playing. So far, I'm up to 50 squats and two minutes of planks. I'm still on level one for the pushups (40 incline) and back exercises (30 1 arm rows). I do need to move up in the back exercise, but I haven't figure out anything heavy enough to lift for a bent over row with both arms. I do have some resistance bands, so maybe I'll try those tomorrow. I love the feeling of sore muscles!

BYOC

1. Regardless of what stage you are in - in your weight loss, get healthy journey – do you still consider yourself “fat”? Was there a point when you stopped feeling that way?

Absolutely. Less so, but still fat. I have my thinner feeling moments, but then I catch a glimpse in the full length mirror. Ugh. I don't think I will really truly not consider myself fat anymore until I can say goodbye to Lane Bryant for good.

2. Tell us about your first kiss.

7th grade, movie theatre. Me and another girl went to see Joe Vs the Volcano with these two guys. How my mother allowed this to happen, I don't even know! Anyway, we had a little peck during the movie. So innocent!

3. Describe your parenting style (either current or what you hope to do or what you would do if you ever had kids)?

I am very laid back, but I'm also big on routine and I'm not a pushover. Of course, I have two toddlers, so it pretty much has to be that way for now. I just hope it's laying the groundwork for good habits later.

4. How would your best friend describe you?

Hmmm. I never know how to answer these kind of questions. I guess she would say that I'm funny and kind and silly.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Real life is going good. I'm exercising, work is going good, nothing too crazy going on. I'm looking forward to a weekend with no obligations.

Blog land is good too. I've posted more this week than usual, but I still need to be better about commenting. I keep saying I'm going to do it more!

Light bulb moment!

Thank you, Amanda, for this comment yesterday:

It sounds like you may have had a blood-sugar surge from the initial treat followed by a subsequent plummet which prompted the cravings for more sugar. I am very aware of this reaction when it happens to me. I typically plan sweet snacks so I can be prepared.

I also find myself wanting to overeat following PB episodes. I think I tend to feel sorry for myself when I can't eat like I think I should and then I may have a pity-binge.

I'm thinking you hit the nail on the head, my friend. How did I miss that one?

First, the blood sugar thing. I'm face-palming right now. Seriously. Just a few weeks ago when I was all Miss Hardcore Elimination Diet, I had limited sugar just by virtue of following the meal plan. I wasn't really craving it at all. Then, last week, I snuck in a salted caramel from the gift shop at work. As I look back, it really has been a downward spiral since then, culminating in my all out binge behavior the last two days. I'm done. I am redirecting myself again. Have you ever heard that thing about how, when you get off target a little bit it may seem like not a big deal, but over time it really adds up? Ya know, like if an airplane was off just a few degrees, by the time it traveled all day (or whatever) it would miss it's target by hundreds of miles? Anyway, that's how I see this. I'm on a certain flight path, and this week I veered off course. If I correct it now, it'll be way easier than if I wait another month or so. Ok, that was a weird tangent...

Also, I have to agree 100% with the part about feeling sorry for yourself after a PB. I'm just not sure I ever fully admitted it. But I will now. If I'm honest, I can see how after a bad PB I might justify having a milkshake or chocolate (cuz you know that shiz always goes down easy). I guess I'm still comforting myself with food. Dang it.

Here's the plan for today:
Lots of water
Breakfast: 1 scoop of Nectar protein with frozen mango and ground flaxseed
Lunch: leftover rotisserie chicken, raw red pepper strips and cucumber
Dinner: Quinoa with black beans, scallions, and fresh cilantro
Snacks: apple with cashew butter, rice snaps and hummus (if I even need to snack... wait, who am I kidding?)

I'll have to see how I feel on the Nectar. I haven't had that since I did the elimination diet, and since I've continued to cut out most dairy, I'm wondering if that'll make me feel crappy. If I do ok with it (meaning, no headaches), then I think I will order some Click powder too. I need a better workday breakfast option now that I have good restriction again.

A couple days of this and I should have beaten the sugar monster back into submission again.

Time change blues

This Spring Forward nonsense is seriously fucking with me this week. I'm feeling good, despite staying up a little later, but my routines are suffering. Like today, I didn't get the little guy fed until almost 6:45, so bathtime didn't start until 7:15... everything almost a half hour late! I know it doesn't seem like much, but our bedtime routine is fairly regimented. Hey, it works for us. I have a two and a half year old who goes to bed every night at 8:00 without a fuss and a 15 month old who falls asleep either in the swing or our laps also without much to-do. I'll be as regimented as I have to be to keep that up!

In other news, I am totally sabotaging myself with food. I have had so much junk today it is not even funny. WTF? It started out ok: banana with flax seed for brekky, lunch was beans/rice/broccoli. Then, at lunch, for some reason I decided I needed chocolate pudding. And it got stuck! After a brief sliming episode, it went down. Now normally, after even a little bitty stuck episode like that, I would take it easy for the next few hours. Today, no. Today, I followed lunch with a couple bites of Moose Munch, a piece of lemon cake, and a bag of M&Ms (at least it was a small bag). Seriously, what is that all about?

Granted, we had a bit of a stressful day at work (a code, no less), but I thought I would've done better considering my recent elimination diet success. Looks like maybe I need to get a little hardcore again for a week or two. Seems as if I've let too much processed crap back into my life. It still begs the question of why though. Why, the very week I start exercising again, would I do this to myself? It's frustrating. It reminds me of something I saw on Biggest Loser this week. One of the girls was talking about how before she didn't think she deserved a better life. Do I believe that about myself? On the surface I don't think so. Deep down? Maybe. I guess I just don't know how to dig down there and figure it out. All I know is I have to keep exercising and keep dragging myself back onto the right track with food.

I actually exercised.

I know, right? Me. Exercising.

This week I decided I would get some exercise in come hell or high water. It just needs to happen. The problem was finding a creative solution to the "I don't have any time" issue. Luckily, two things kinda fell in my lap, so to speak, this week.

First, hubs and I went to a party at his boss' house this weekend. It was super fun, and one of the things they had going was, believe it or not, a Just Dance II tournament. And I totally won it. Oh yeah. So, I was reminded how fun it is, and I have it at home, so hellooooo?

Second, one of my fave blogs to read is Nerd Fitness. This dude is doing really cool things, and he has a great message. Recently he posted this workout plan, and I knew this was something I could manage to fit in. Also, if you have time, this post is chock full of goodness that everyone needs to read!

Anywhoo, today when I got the kids home, tater tot and I danced for about 30 minutes, and then I did my squats, rows, pushups, and planks while helping the tater with her Cookie Monster counting game. Piece of cake! Needless to say, I'm quite pleased with myself. Just gotta keep it up!

Food-wise, I'm still staying off the wheat and dairy. Dairy seems to give me headaches, and wheat in any large quantity makes me crash hard. I can do a few triscuits or something like that, but I had half a bagel last Friday and descended into a fog for the rest of the day. I was also constipated for two days again -- haven't had that issue since I started all this. So today I was back to it:
6am: Half of a homemade granola bar
10am: 1 kiwi with ground flax seed
12pm: 2 oz pulled pork, onion soup with rice noodles
3pm: dried apricots
6:30pm: 2 oz pork loin, 1/4 cup spinach
8pm: 1/2 cup nondairy ice cream

That's it for me for tonight. Hope all is well out there is blogland!

Whoa

Crap, how did it get to be Thursday already?

Today I purchased a pair of jeans in a 16! Granted, they are from Lane Bryant, but it's still smaller, right? I had just been to Macy's, and I had tried on a ton of expensive jeans there... not one pair looked good. I decided to take a chance on good ol' LB, and they came through for me. I got a cute little cami and sweater combo in purple too. And I had a coupon! New jeans and shirts for $50. Can't beat it!

Busy Monday, as usual

I had today off, and I filled it with doctor appointments. Whee! First up was my annual at the gyno, next was my band doc for a fill (yay!), and finally a follow-up with the urologist (all is well there too).

I weighed in at 210.7 this morning. It's so nice to have it inching ever downwards even without exercising. That does need to be a focus for me soon. I'm just really struggling to fit it in -- even on the weekends.

So, does anyone else have to fill out a "Green Zone" survey when you go for your fills? This was a first for me. After I signed in, I was given a questionnaire about what foods I'm eating the most, how big my portions are, hunger level... all the things my doc normally asks me about. I thought it was interesting, and just wondered if anyone else has to do that. I also have to add -- I love that I don't have to beg for a fill. This time, I got a whole 0.25ccs, which is kind of big, considering I have a 4cc band. I really wasn't expecting that much, but I'm happy to have it. This just means I'll have to be extra careful till I figure out what I can tolerate again. And definitely no paczki for me tomorrow!

Quick elimination diet update: Still going strong. Even though wheat is not an issue, I've still kept it to a minimum. Still avoiding dairy, though I'll try adding it in again later this week. Still feeling pretty good!

TGIF

This has been one loooong freakin' week. I didn't realize just how crazy it has been until I realized I haven't posted since last Thursday. Whoops.

So... elimination diet. Still going strong. I've reintroduced citrus and wheat with no issue. Chocolate, I've discovered gives me a mild stomach ache. Sugar is ok in moderation, agave syrup and honey are fine, but molasses gives me some terrible gas. And dairy? Well, let's just say one glass of milk provided me with a raging headache all day. We're going to add chicken and fish back into the mix this week, but we both admitted that we're really not missing the wheat.

Scale is still holding at 212. I'm still not exercising, so no surprise there.

I promise to post more next week!