Monday, May 14, 2012

Breakthrough

I had an epiphany of sorts today. You know I've been flirting with 200 for over a year now, and you know I talk a good game half the time about how I'm going to get there this time. Blah de frikkin' blah. I get a little close and then, wham, I'm back up to 207. I had a really good week food-wise last week. The scale was moving down nicely, all was well, and then I went a little nutso over the weekend. Not horrid, but enough to undo all the good I had done earlier that week. So, I get on the scale this morning to see what is what. I've lost 1lb this week. Good, right? Well, on my little goal path I have carved out for myself, I should've been almost a whole pound lower. So my brain starts thinking, oh I've failed, I suck, it's never gonna happen. OMG, shut UP. My sane logical self finally kicks in and says, Hey, you lost a pound asshole! What is the matter with you? You have to realize that the 5lbs that took you from 202 back to 207 aren't magically gonna disappear over night! It's time to own them and count them and consider them as actual regain and not some pesky water retention that you can pee out after a low sodium day. Geez.

Anyway.

I realize that I keep beating myself up for not being back to my low right NOW. It's so dumb, isn't it?
Today I set some realistic goals based on where I'm at now, which is 206. In my wildest dreams, in one year, I'd lose 66lbs to be 140. Chop that in half, and it means I'd have to lose 33lbs by mid November. Chop it in half again and we're talking a mere 16 or so lbs by August. In the next four weeks, I'd only have to do about 5.5. WHICH, again, would get me ever so close to onederland. But really, doesn't the whole thing sound... do-able? Scary shit, isn't it? What am I so afraid of? I've already lost more than that, right? What am I afraid is going to be expected of me if I get below 200? Really though, what? No one is going to look at me any different from 206 to 199. And then, there won't be much difference between 199 and 195. Who or what am I so worried about? I wish I could tell you. Instead, I will just get on with it and see what happens when I get there. It's all you can do, right?

4 comments:

Darlin1 said...

Right......

I'm so there with you....


It does make a difference....and it does matter...keep it on the LOW side....it's better!

XO

Kristin50 said...

Maria you have come so far, and believe me when I tell you I understand and no about stalls and regains. Hell I am the queen of the regain.

I am so happy you are owning the gain, however you are also correct in realizing you have to quit with the self bashing.

This is not about numbers really. We get so wound up on that damn scale and what is shows us on a daily basis that we truly lose sight of the big picture.

You did stairs remember? Could you have done that a year ago? Honestly, perhaps maybe you might have, but bottom line is, you did it! You have taken the steps to incorporate exercise into a Mommy and wife and working woman lifestyle. Which we all know is not the easiest to juggle.

I think if you pay less attention on your scale and the numbers, and get back to basics of logging your food choices and making sure you are getting in your protein you will see the magic number that you so much want to see.

I know we all think that ONDERLAND is the OASIS or HEAVEN that we have been dreaming about, striving for, and are dying to reach. This is not a race. We did not get this way over night, and surely it is not going to come off that quickly either. However, when we are not making the healthiest of food choices or working out, we certainly cannot expect miracles right?

Hugs, I have not doubt that you can do this, and get to that GOAL, be it your mini goal or your full fledged major one. You are strong!

MandaPanda said...

That's quite an epiphany you had there. Do we all hit some point of self sabotage? Mine has come at 155-160. These same 5 lbs over and over again. How do we break through that cycle?

Ronnie said...

If I had the answer, I'd be rich! I do know that once you're a certain point out from surgery, weight loss stops being easy (most people say the sweet spot disappears after 15-18 months). So frack.

You're already a success in my book, either way. But I know you can do this.