I had an epiphany of sorts today. You know I've been flirting with 200 for over a year now, and you know I talk a good game half the time about how I'm going to get there this time. Blah de frikkin' blah. I get a little close and then, wham, I'm back up to 207. I had a really good week food-wise last week. The scale was moving down nicely, all was well, and then I went a little nutso over the weekend. Not horrid, but enough to undo all the good I had done earlier that week. So, I get on the scale this morning to see what is what. I've lost 1lb this week. Good, right? Well, on my little goal path I have carved out for myself, I should've been almost a whole pound lower. So my brain starts thinking, oh I've failed, I suck, it's never gonna happen. OMG, shut UP. My sane logical self finally kicks in and says, Hey, you lost a pound asshole! What is the matter with you? You have to realize that the 5lbs that took you from 202 back to 207 aren't magically gonna disappear over night! It's time to own them and count them and consider them as actual regain and not some pesky water retention that you can pee out after a low sodium day. Geez.
I realize that I keep beating myself up for not being back to my low right NOW. It's so dumb, isn't it?
Today I set some realistic goals based on where I'm at now, which is 206. In my wildest dreams, in one year, I'd lose 66lbs to be 140. Chop that in half, and it means I'd have to lose 33lbs by mid November. Chop it in half again and we're talking a mere 16 or so lbs by August. In the next four weeks, I'd only have to do about 5.5. WHICH, again, would get me ever so close to onederland. But really, doesn't the whole thing sound... do-able? Scary shit, isn't it? What am I so afraid of? I've already lost more than that, right? What am I afraid is going to be expected of me if I get below 200? Really though, what? No one is going to look at me any different from 206 to 199. And then, there won't be much difference between 199 and 195. Who or what am I so worried about? I wish I could tell you. Instead, I will just get on with it and see what happens when I get there. It's all you can do, right?