Monday, October 1, 2012

Manifesto

As I was taking a shower today I was ruminating on all my therapy visits, my nutritionist visits, doctor visits, conversations with friends (BOOBs and others) that have occurred over the past six months, and I finally got it. I am doing all the crap one shouldn't do. I'm living in the past. I'm letting past disappointments steer me. I'm in a rut.

You know what? It doesn't matter what anyone else wants. It doesn't matter if my mom is disappointed because I'm fat. It doesn't matter if my husband thinks I'm "unhealthy". All that matters is what I want. And what I want is to live a full life that includes being healthy (so I'm able to live that full life). And if "healthy" means losing weight, then that is what I want. I will not give in to temptations just to spite others. It does not hurt my mother if I eat a pan of brownies. I will not let other people's goals guide me off my path. If my husband has decided running is his thing, it doesn't mean I'm a failure if I just don't love it.

There will be slip-ups. There will be set-backs. There will be chocolate. But there will also be NSVs. There will be self-acceptance. And there will be forgiveness.

I'm not going to make any rules for myself. There might be shakes and protein bars. There might be salads and chicken breast. There might be the occasional Jimmy Johns. There's probably going to be some calorie counting. The main question will always be: Will this get me closer to where I want to be?

I will ask myself that at every turn. And I will read this every day until it sticks.

P.S. I had a great time in Chicago this weekend. As always, it defies words. Thanks again to the planners -- you guys made it what it is. I love you guys!

17 comments:

Lynda said...

Amen!

Brandy said...

Encouragement! Thanks for sharing.

Steph said...

Finding and being at peace with yourself is probably the most illusive thing out there. I am glad you are seeing yourself as we all see you...truly beautiful. Everything else will fall in place and honestly, it was amazingly wonderful to spend time with you again! Hugs!

Darlin1 said...

NICE!! Well said!!

XO

Jenny said...

It's never easy! Self Acceptance is a sneaky bitch!! <3

jennxaz said...

you are such a cutie pie! Love you to death...But I must say Elizabet got me hooked on jimmy johns unwhich with the italian dressing...so good and few calories..mmmmm

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Yeah...what Lynda said! Amen!!!!

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Good for you sweetie! I am sorry I had to miss out in Chicago this year but it looks like all of you had a fantastic time!

speck said...

It took a while but I slowly came to a place where I decided to love myself unconditionally no matter where I was in my journey.

It sounds like you just got some great insight and you can't go wrong with that.

Sandra

Cheri said...

sending you a cyber high five

sounds like you have some excellent insight here!

Kristin50 said...

you are beautiful and this has to be for YOU! Doing it for others or not doing it because of others will never work.

I know you got this, you are a strong woman!

Great to see you again!

Ronnie said...

I love this! You're awesome!

Sorry for forcing the donuts upon you this weekend! LOL

MandaPanda said...

Yes, yes yes!!! Sounds like quite the epiphany! :)

Beth said...

You totally rock and I know you got this! Was so awesome to meet you!

Jen said...

Love this post! Can't wait to get to that point myself!
xo

Momee3021 said...

So brilliant... I love this - Im stealing your manifesto...
Maybe since you said it I'll follow it cause I don't really listen to myself all that often... I loved meeting you... you were so open and fun. ps. Whats a jimmy john? OMG it sounds so good... in a slutty sort of way...

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN!

UMMMM... BY THE WAY... DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TURN OFF THE CAPS-lock on my comp... hey, nevermind, I figured it out ALL BY MYSELF! UMMMM... WELL... KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!